OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
