Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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