I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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