Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
