the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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