If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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