That's when you crack a 10am beer
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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