she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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