you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
