around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
