my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
you are never too drunk for berry picking
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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