I like my sex mixed with concussions.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
