Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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