my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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