Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
