honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
