you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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