Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
