I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
