Someone shit on the floor
I need to stop coming to work sober
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm getting married
To pizza
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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