If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
