Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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