better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
