no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
