one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
