drinking out of a sandbucket again
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
