It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
