so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
