Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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