i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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