12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
