I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
