first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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