last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
