I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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