im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
