If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
