I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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