I think I just saw someone hide a body.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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