you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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