My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you didnt know i had herpes?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Randomize
