Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
