i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
