literally had 100 drinks last night.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
