you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
