you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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