I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
