Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
