i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Houston, we have a squirter
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
