Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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