no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
