you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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