i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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