Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
