Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
