Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
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